“Go on and have a good life!”
Sitting with the Lord in gratitude for my honey’s admonishment to me. It’s as clear as day in my mind. It happened when he was laying in the hospital bed holding my hand while I smothered him with kisses and suddenly he began to shed tears for the first time that I knew of in his cancer journey. It was the only time I saw him cry while he battled cancer and when I asked him about his tears, he said, “I’m not ready to leave you.” It broke both of our hearts to think about it! I assured him that God knew that neither of us were ready and that He would not bring him home unless he was ready to go. We could trust God like that. Forward to several months later when Stephen was laying in the hospital bed and he looked very seriously at me and said, “Honey, you go on and have a good life.” It caught me a little off guard at how seriously he was staring me straight in the eyes when he made that statement.

Then, indicative of his peculiar sense of humor, he broke into this sly smile and said, “but you can’t get married again!”

We both burst out laughing which sliced through the gravity of the realization that God was preparing us for what was to come. Of course I jokingly assured him no worries because it took 19 years to train him and I wasn’t trying to train anyone else. Again we laughed and joked back and forth for a while. That convo still brings both tears to my eyes and a smile on my face.

So as I sit here with the Lord in celebration of our love. I’m grateful for those moments that we were able to be authentic with each other and actually face the inevitable while still keeping our hope alive. We were seeing an oncologist counselor and she once encouraged us to hope for the best but also prepare for the worst. So that is how we navigated through our journey.

As Valentine day approaches, the sadness of missing my love is even stronger. This past Friday night, I remembered how we loved to cruise downtown with the furbabies after a late dinner playing loud music and hanging out. Or sitting in a Starbucks until it closed just to spend some quality time together. Friday nights are difficult nights for me to sleep because our routine is gone. Establishing new routines are not always the best quick solution. They just mask the grief of those lost moments for me. Remembering the good times and celebrating our love works better at this point in my journey.

There are some promising life moments down the road for me.

Stephen admonished me to believe it and the Holy Spirit has assured me of that fact. Stephen’s illness and passing are teaching me to cherish the present moment. Celebrate the precious memories. And keep going each day. His admonishment to me to “Go on and have a good life!” resounds in my spirit daily especially when I’m missing him the most. He was undoubtedly my biggest encourager and cheerleader. Still looking out! I’m grateful for a love like ours. He will always be my Endless Love! ??

Sharing my morning musings in celebration of our love as Valentine’s Day approaches. Cherish whatever love you have in your life whether it’s with significant others, family members, friends, or acquaintances. God is love and He shares His love with us in many ways! Celebrate the love!