Sitting with the Lord because since I’ve embarked on this unpacking grief journey, the need, the sadness, the overwhelming circumstances of others has been heart-rending. So just gaining strength for the journey because being close to other’s pain requires times of refreshing from the Lord. A statement that I make in one of my conversations is that we have to learn to be uncomfortable with each other’s pain. I think that many of us hide our pain because it makes others uncomfortable. Shedding tears in public or around others tends to get you the alarmed, anxious side-eyed look. I get it, we feel helpless so we become anxious when others are sad and we go into how can I fix this or how can I stop them from crying. How can I keep from crying myself! As if tears are not allowed as part of our healing. Many people have reached out and said they are still crying. I tell them this phrase, tears for years. That’s what I say! I give them permission to cry because they’ve been conditioned to believe that something is wrong with them if they cry. I called my brother one time when I was having an overwhelming moment and he told me to cry it out. Those tears are God’s release valve for us. When it’s too much, when the pain is too real, when the heart is too overwhelmed to keep those emotions inside. Tears are exhausting but they are also a release. My husband and I were on staff at a church and all the pastors would come down to pray with people. This couple was going through a hard time and the wife was crying so hard. I put my arms around her and cried with her, I couldn’t help it. We prayed and we cried. I remember the next leadership meeting we were in essence told that as leaders we should be less emotive. I get the point but I didn’t agree with it. I remember the story in the Bible when Jesus begged his disciples for comfort. He said my heart is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. They didn’t get how hard it was for him in the moment. He was disappointed by his friends. Wonder how comforting it would’ve been if just one had put his arms around him and prayed and cried with him. Creating space for others to cry around us and even crying with them can allow so much healing and bring so much comfort. I understand as pastors and leaders that our role is often to remain calm and to guide. But sometimes our role is to also actually see and feel their pain so that we can hold space for their tears. One thing I’m learning on this journey is that I don’t have to have answers for everybody’s questions on this grief journey. The Bible says that we offer the same comfort to others that we’ve received from the Holy Spirit for ourselves. The comfort that I’ve received has been how the Lord has never shyed away from my pain. How I’ve brought it all to Him, the sadness, the tears, the overwhelming emotions, the questions, the dire circumstances and I’ve received help, grace and mercy in my time of need. I’ve felt that He was in the thick of it with me and stayed with me during my tears allowing me to cry it out. Embracing me with love and compassion. Just like God the Father sent angels to comfort Jesus. The comfort has not always solved my immediate felt issues but it has always given me the strength to make it to the next moment. Just like Jesus gained the strength to complete his mission. I’ve had a lot of people reach out to say they have no one that they can talk to about their pain on this grief journey. They feel that there’s no help for them. That’s a real place and a real feeling on this journey. I encourage them to identify one person that might understand and to reach out. It would be nice if that one person would reach out to them instead. The griever already has so much sadness to contend with that zaps their energy. I tell them that any support is better than no support and encourage them with resources. We can all be a resource to someone in their grief. We can all embrace and allow that person to cry and vent. Yes it is overwhelming to listen and their pain may cause us to flounder with uncomfortability. We don’t always have words to say. That’s okay. Reach out. We might get rejected by the griever at first it’s okay too. The griever often thinks they have to tough it out alone. or that they have to hide their pain. Take a minute, try again and even reach out another time. Think about what might happen to them if we don’t reach out, instead of what might happen to us if we do. Holy Spirit reminding me how much better we’d all be if each of us would show extra compassion for just one other person. Igniting a wave of concern that will lead to an ocean of healing. I always end my Grieftalks with this phrase that the Lord gave me. “Collective suffering breeds collective compassion that leads to collective healing.” When we can see each other’s pain and offer nonjudgmental compassion then we can heal together. Imagine a community of healers, healing each other and healing together. Wow!

Just sharing my morning musings hoping to add a different perspective to each other’s tears. Nobody likes to cry and feel weak but sometimes it’s necessary for healing. Let’s heal together no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.