Why I Started this Blog…

Over the years, I have struggled with many life challenges. My most significant ones include losing my mother to a cancerous brain tumor in the course of 6 months in my 20s. Very devastating loss for my entire family! I was not in a healthy place mentally, spiritually, or emotionally and I was on a dark self- destructive path. I became addicted to alcohol and other substances which led me to what I call a two-year long spiritual retreat. During this retreat, I learned how to spend quality time with the Lord in the prayer closet. It was literally a cedar wood closet with giant pillows. I remember the first time I started doing my early morning sit-ins with the Lord in that closet. I had previously listened to a message on meditation and listening to the Lord. I had no clue what it meant to meditate in silence and listen to the Lord. I just knew it was something I wanted to do because the message described the amazing benefits of meditation. All I knew is that I needed that discipline in my life, so I set out on a journey of meditation and listening to the Lord. I sat in that prayer closet one morning and I prayed to the Lord like this, “Lord I don’t now what I’m doing but they said it is something I need to do. So I am asking You to teach me to hear Your voice in the silence. I want to hear your voice clearly and know without a doubt in my heart that it is You.” I don’t remember any special feeling or clarity in that moment but I decided to trust that the Lord heard and would answer my prayer. As I went about my day, I started hearing the Lord say things to me. I can’t recall his exact words but I do recall looking toward heaven and asking the Lord is that you talking to me? I remember the Lord saying very clearly to me, “You asked me to teach you to hear my voice, I am speaking to you, now listen!” Since that day, “Sitting with the Lord” has been my practice. There are times when I’ve been more consistent with this practice than other times. I don’t have a special regiment or ritual I just know when I need to sit with the Lord by the drawing of the Holy Spirit. I will admit that morning times have been my best listening times as you will see when I share my morning musings in this blog. Sitting with the Lord is my battle plan. I gain insight into the multi-faceted character of God. I grow more mature in my inner life. I see past my circumstances and witness God’s hand at work in tangible and supernatural ways. The Holy Spirit helps me maintain a healthy perspective and response to life’s challenges. I don’t feel alone because He is my companion. I am able to be transparent and unashamed about my struggles. My emotions are held in check and do not consume me when I face life’s difficulties. I am unstoppable to the enemy of my soul and a force to be reckoned with for the kingdom because I took the time to “sit with the Lord.”

Fast forward many years later and I find myself once again on a devastating grief journey. Cancer strikes twice in my family! This time I lose my husband to a nine month battle with cancer. My best friend, the love of my life is suddenly gone and I am sinking beneath the despair and grief! Only this time, I am determined to be intentional about my healing. So I turn to writing for solace and I write about my devastation and my healing journey through the grief process in this blog, “Sitting With the Lord.” I unpack my grief out loud through this daily blog as I cope with the incredible loss.

I invite you to come on this “Sitting with the Lord” journey with me as a I share my morning musings. It is my hope that my journey will be a catalyst of transformation and encouragement for a more intimate relationship with Jesus and healing on your grief journey.