Sitting with the Lord and I had to admit to Him that there are many things that I can worry about. I could really worry about my future and what can happen to me. I shared with my grief counselor that Stephen and I had promised to take care of each other in our old age.  Most people have children that typically take care of their parents when they age and need support. Not having children together prompted us to assure each other that we’d just grow old together and look out for one another.  I don’t know maybe we thought we’d go see Jesus together one day. I know I secretly wanted God to take me first cause I didn’t want to face the alternative. Now I have another reality, one that I didn’t expect and never wanted. One that has quite honestly made me angry with God and cry out to Him why He let it happen this way. One that keeps me awake at night with anxiety about the future. One that causes me to dissolve into tears about what could’ve been. One that has given me thoughts that I have had to repent about because they are rooted in fear and an “I know what’s best for my life” mentality.

Holy Spirit ministering to me about replacing my anxiousness with a “today” mentality.

Holy Spirit leading me to the familiar words of Jesus that I’ve read many times but can’t say that I’ve internalized it for my own life as significantly as He is prompting me to do now. In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus in essence says “don’t worry about tomorrow.” He goes on to provide more detail about what not to worry about like food, clothing and drink, in other words the necessities of life. Most profoundly, He details the Father’s love and care for us. He talks about how he feeds the birds and adorns the lilies. He puts it in terms that any person anywhere can relate! Birds and flowers are everywhere. We can all behold how the Father takes care of them. Then He drives his point home by saying, how much more the Father cares for us than the birds and the lilies. He loves us so much that He created us in His image. He provided a place for habitation for us and has given us everything we need to survive. Jesus says, so instead of worrying about tomorrow, let your focus be on the One who cares for you and knows how to provide everything you need. King David understood it when he said, “he makes me to lie down in green pastures” and expounds further about the Lord caring for us as intimately as a Shepherd cares for his sheep in Psalm 23. Holy Spirit talking to me about God’s customized care for each of us according to what we have need of personally in our lives. My main need right now being the companionship of the Holy Spirit to come alongside for comfort and assurance that God will take care of me. Holy Spirit taking each of my concerns personally and coming to see about me. I have a testimony that just happened! I was looking at my grass the other day, fretting about keeping the lawn trimmed this year because that was something Stephen loved to do. I’m a country girl so I figured I’d just get on the lawn mower and keep it trimmed myself. Then I realized I didn’t know where are the keys to the shed or lawnmower. It wasn’t a huge urgent concern but it had been on my mind. This weekend I get a call from a local number I didn’t recognize which I normally do not answer. However, I felt prompted to answer for some reason . It was one of Stephen’s coworkers that was like a brother to him. When Stephen became ill, he came faithfully to cut the grass and trim the yard last year. He said he had a dream that he had a conversation with Mr. Powell and it hit him so hard that he went to work and told people about it. He told how much he missed Mr. Powell’s friendship and words of wisdom. He shared about how Stephen ministered to him personally. I knew they were close and he said he promised Mr. Powell to look out for me. He said that he and another of Stephen’s coworkers were going to keep the yard nice for me and to honor him. He remembered the keys and everything! When I got off the phone, I just sat there in stunned silence at first because I had not voiced that concern to anyone yet. Only the Lord knew that had been on my heart and I was thinking about telling my brothers who don’t live close, but I knew they’d help me figure something out. But Look at God! God already had things in the works, working it out. Stephen in on it too! Makes my heart sing his praises and my mind less anxious. I’m more determined to trust the Lord with my concerns. I’m more determined to live each day worry free. I’m more determined to seek the Lord first and His righteousness. Then all things that I need will be taken care of. I will listen attentively and follow His lead.

Just sharing my morning musings. Be encouraged by the words of Jesus. “Your Heavenly Father already knows what you need.” No worries!