My Love!

12/16/1953 – 09/28/2019

As I remember your life and your heart for the Lord today, I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. Joy because I know you’re with the Lord is at the forefront of my mind. Never thought that joy would be an emotion that I would ever feel when remembering you on the day that I lost you. The funny thing about joy is that it can actually accompany sorrow. I felt confused the first time I felt both of these feelings in my heart after you were gone. I thought how can I be joyous while my eyes brim with tears of sorrow since you’ve been gone? How can both of these powerful emotions abide in the same heart? Shouldn’t the sorrow override the joy? Yet there I was and here I am sitting with the Lord and experiencing both. Everyday something in my life brings up the longing to be physically, tangibly close to you again. To share all the ways God is blessing me and all the difficult moments He brings me through. That’s when the sadness kicks in the most. Not being able to share life with you. I mean we were literally by each other’s side from day one of meeting. We were very protective of each other. I miss that protection. You got me. You understood me. The only other person that truly understood me like that was my mother and now you’re both gone. Hope you got to meet my parents. That’s a great void. Here comes the joy tempering that sorrow. Joy just thinking that you, my parents, your parents are in the presence of Jesus. No pain, no sorrow only forever tomorrow. That brings me joy! What I love about the Holy Spirit is that He holds space for my sorrow and He comforts me with His joy. Wow! He doesn’t allow me to feel guilty about being sorrowful. He gives me the grace to feel all the feels. However, He does not let the sorrow displace the joy. So today as I remember the tenure of your life here on earth, I’m missing you more than I can explain and that brings sorrow. I’m also looking at pictures of all the memories we made and that brings me great joy deep in my soul! Thank you Holy Spirit!