Sitting with the Lord and processing through something that still causes me trauma to this day. My sister and I were riding in the car in our Nana and Auntee mode dropping the kids off at their various destinations. We were happily chatting and listening to some tunes. Out of the blue a song came on iTunes that Stephen and I listened to a lot during his cancer treatment. This artist ministers powerfully in music. We used to replay the music by this artist over and over to encourage ourselves and build up our faith. During those days they really got us though some very difficult experiences on our journey. I’m grateful. However, now that he has transitioned, I haven’t been able to listen to the music. It takes me back to a hard place and evokes a certain sadness. Talking to the Holy Spirit about how can it be that something that was so uplifting has now turned into painful relived memories. I can’t say that I always get my questions answered when I bring some things before the Lord. And this is one of those questions. What I do know is that I find great comfort in just knowing that I can run any and everything by the Lord. I don’t have to sit with my pain alone. I know that when I do bring those things that make me wonder why things happened a certain way before the Lord, I’m never reprimanded for doing so. Even when I feel resentful or upset about it and asking God why? I never feel like He acts superior as if to say how dare you ask me that. I feel like He looks me right in my eyes with compassion and hugs my soul until I’m all right. “Safe in His arms” is one of my fave songs. So yes I was sad for a minute and my sister quickly changed to another song. It brings tears to my eyes now just thinking about everything. But they’re not hopeless tears, they’re tears that stem from a deep love. I follow a page on social media that is entitled, “Deep Love, Deep Grief.” That sadness, that grief, those relived traumatic experiences are all a part of this grief journey that we continually process through. But we are not alone, we have a friend alongside of us who gets it and gets us. Who has suffered what I think is the ultimate traumatic experience on our behalf. All from a place of the deepest love and therefore can comfort us in our deepest trauma and grief. There is nothing that can compare to this love that I feel as I sit with Him this morning. Nothing. He makes everything all right!

Just sharing my morning musings in hopes that as traumatic memories come up, we will take the time to bring them to the Lord. And when we do, we will feel His deepest love that will comfort us in our deepest pain. He’s that kind of friend!