Sitting with the Lord because every now and then I am overcome with this feeling of being left behind. I’m sure that it is a familiar feeling especially to spouses who have lost their husband or wife. Certain times of year, certain special occasions or sometimes just everyday occurrences invoke these feelings of nostalgia as to what we might have been doing together. Of course it brings sadness and tears but it also brings these reoccurring feelings of being left behind. Why am I the one who is still alive? Why am I here without him or her? It feels like abandonment and on some levels like betrayal. 

I know my honey did not want to leave me because he told me so on more than one occasion. I know he held on as long as he could for me. Yet this left behind feeling is still prevalent and unshakable sometimes. Along with those feelings come anger, self pity, hurt and longing for the old days. I felt the same way for years after my mother passed away. I had reoccurring dreams of abandonment. So just sitting with the Lord and allowing Him to minister to that pain.

In these moments, when He addresses my deepest pain and unspoken anxieties, I understand there’s a deeper purpose than maybe I can fully grasp right now. It is an evolving purpose that grips my soul and doesn’t allow me to sink into that place of darkest despair. It’s a deeper purpose that aligns with my destiny in the kingdom. It’s a deeper purpose that makes me thankful for God’s patience with me and His grace that sustains me. I’m on the path to greater even if I stumble and fall sometimes.

I won’t always feel left behind as long as God performs His work in me.

I’m learning that it’s okay to be sidelined as long as I keep my head in the game. I’ve been a cheerleader in my younger days, so I’m well aware of the great cloud of witnesses (my honey included) that are cheering for me and those of us who may feel left behind sometimes. Just a matter of time before we get fully back in the game. I see a slam dunk in my future. I’m grateful today!

Just sharing my morning musings, encouraging myself in the Lord, hoping that you will be encouraged too. We honor our fallen soldiers on this Memorial Day! We keep their loved ones in prayer!