“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled…I was pouring out my soul to the Lord…I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭1:15-16‬ ‭

Sitting with the Lord and meditating in these verses from 1 Samuel. I read about how troubled Hannah was and how she poured out her soul to the Lord in her anguish and grief. Later in that same passage, it says that after Hannah prayed, she went home and ate something and was no longer downcast. She poured out her soul silently and fervently before the Lord. She was so overwrought with emotions that the priest thought she was drunk. To which she explained that she was not drunk but troubled. This passage led me to thinking about the many times I personally cried out to the Lord for Stephen to be healed. How much I believed that he’d be healed with my whole heart. How many tears I cried over the pain he endured and how heart broken it made me.

So this morning, just talking to the Lord about how intimately we both walked that part of our journey with him. How those anguish filled prayers provided relief for our souls. How crying out to him released pent up emotions that would’ve otherwise consumed us. How talking with the Father gave us hope and peace to carry on. Some things we go through require that intense personal intimacy, magnitude of vulnerability and transparency before the Lord. Not just your ordinary prayer time but rather that next level praying.

Since I’ve been told I’m “extra” many times, I call it being “extra” before the Lord. 

Yes I go all in, I don’t hold anything back because I know I want to be changed when I come away from that time with the Lord. I want to be like Hannah, my whole countenance brighter because I’ve been extra before the Lord. Hannah was extra before the Lord and bore a son that she dedicated back to the Lord. David was extra before the Lord and defeated 10,000s of his enemies. Jacob was extra and wouldn’t let go until he was blessed. Queen Esther was extra and prayed for three days and then she prayed again to muster the courage to go before the king and an entire nation of people were saved. And ultimately, dare I say that Jesus prayed so hard, he sweated blood until he was ready to completely surrender to God’s will. The Word of God gives account after account of extraordinary prayers being prayed. The results sometimes leading to victory and the results sometimes leading to acceptance of God’s sovereign will and perfect timing.

Am I still heartbroken that God brought my honey home? Yes! It’s those times when the pain is particularly anguishing that I pour out my soul before the Lord. It’s those time that I am extra transparent and extra open to receive that healing balm for my soul. It’s those times when I come away extra aware of God’s presence and the divine guidance of the Holy Spirit for my life. It’s those times when God assures me that Stephen is at complete peace and safe in His arms. Pouring out my soul, praying fervently, and listening attentively before the Lord sustains me. Then I’m able to stand on the promises of God for my life. My latter years will be better than my former years. He has plans for my good, to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. He has set before me an open door. He has gone before me to prepare a place for me in heaven and I will be with Him one day just like Stephen. Makes me want to run on and see what the end’s going to be! No more mundane prayers for me, I need God to do the extraordinary in my life. I’m more determined to go all in. This time in my life, these times in our country demand it of me. I can’t sit on the sidelines, I must, I will pray like Hannah prayed! As the old folks used to say I will pray until “my change comes!”

Just sharing my morning musings. Going through something difficult? Pray those “extra” prayers, pour out your soul before the Lord and watch God answer your prayers in  amazing ways. Pray until your change comes and then pray some more! 

Psalm 65 in the hard places you are going to overflow with abundance. “You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭65:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬