Debilitating Effects of Survivor’s Guilt

Sitting with the Lord thinking about how the holidays exacerbate survivor’s guilt. One may feel guilty about being alive when their loved one is not here. One may feel guilty about having any semblance of joy because of how much they may have seen them suffer. One may feel guilty that they couldn’t help them enough while they were alive. One may feel guilty that good things are happening in life and their loved one is missing out. One may feel guilty that they could not save them. The celebrations lose their luster. The season loses its joy.

What the Holy Spirit has taught me is that remembering our loved ones from a place of guilt does not honor their lives. Guilt can seduce us into feeling like we are somehow paying penance for their death. Like if we feel guilty enough somehow that will make us feel better about losing them. Then we feel guilty about feeling guilty. Problem is guilt only leads to more guilt which sucks us into a downward spiral that has no bottom. Then we become martyrs to our grief. It’s heavy I know.

As the Holy Spirit gives me insight about grief. One thing I know is that our loved ones would not want the loss of their life to cause our lives to be debilitated in any way. It brings more honor to their memory when I draw encouragement from the good memories and I resist the guilt. I forgive myself for whatever it is I think I did not get right. Truth is, I can’t play God and if I truly believe that He is in control, then I yield to the appointed time that He brought my loved one home with Him. Yes it hurts, yes the sadness is profound. But I don’t need to compound my sorrow by adding guilt to my memories.

Holy Spirit does not mind my sorrow, in fact He makes room for it. He is the ultimate comforter and joy giver. Celebrating this season reminds me that Jesus birth brought tidings of comfort and joy. He came to seek and save the loss. And He left us the great Comforter. Allow His peace to displace any guilt. Allow His comfort to accompany any sorrow. Allow His joy to help us honor our loved one’s life this Christmas from a heart filled with love not guilt. He will work it out in us if we let him. I will allow…

Just sharing my morning musings, in hopes that you can lay any guilt down, forgive yourself and receive the comfort of the Holy Spirit this holiday. I hope you can participate in the joy of the season as you grieve. It’s possible! I’m praying for you and sending hugs! Merry Christmas!