Sitting with the Lord this morning and listening to the Holy Spirit talk to me about guilt. One thing I’ve realized about morning is usually when you first awake that is when the thoughts come flooding in. In the past, I’d suppress or dismiss the negative thoughts because I felt that was the best way to handle. Dealing with thoughts that way also requires a lot of energy. The Holy Spirit has taught me to put those thoughts before him and allow Him to minister truth to me. That way when those thoughts come again I can combat them with the truth which extinguishes them as opposed to suppressing them. So for a few days I’ve felt guilt setting in about where I am on this journey. I’ve felt guilty about being happy sometimes in my grief. I’ve felt guilty about not being ready to return to work. I’ve felt guilty about not reaching out to everyone that’s reached out to me. I’ve felt guilty about feeling selfish because I’m not there for others like it’s my nature to do. I’ve felt guilty about being too self involved. I could elaborate more but I told Jesus all about it. In one phrase, the Holy Spirit wiped away all the guilt. He responded,

“You’re not being selfish, you’re doing what you have to do for healing.”

I remember another time at a difficult time on my journey when He said, “just do what you have to do to get through this and don’t feel guilty about lacking faith.” I think sometimes I’ve thought if I’m not rallying my faith and mustering up praise during a difficult time that I’m not being spiritual enough. It’s true praise lifts burdens, I agree. But I’m learning that there are times when I need to step away for my own personal health and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit. Being in ministry, helping profession, caregiving or just a compassionate nature are similar in that we pour ourselves out for others consistently which is draining. It’s called compassion fatigue which seems like an oxymoron in a sense. If I’m called to care passionately for others, how can it wear me out? I get energized doing what I have a passion for. I should always have energy to do what I’m called to do. That might be true for those of us with this calling if we weren’t overextended in many areas and life didn’t happen to us. But it does and the Holy Spirit is teaching me it’s ok. He can handle things while I rest and restore. He’d rather I be at my optimal capacity and healthy than drained and guilty. I cause more damage than good when I allow myself to get there. So I will take time for prayer, counseling, relaxation, fun and not feel guilty about. Time away is not restorative if I’m overwhelmed with guilt. It’s restorative when I do what I need to do to heal. That glorifies God and by the way Jesus pulled away on a regular. So I’ll take the lead from Him!

Just sharing my morning musings. Take the guilt free time you need for healing and restoration. Don’t allow negative feelings or others to dictate what that looks like for you. Be intentional about it, it’s not selfish!  Counseling is a good thing, IJS…