Sitting with the Lord and listening out for what He is speaking to my heart. One thing I know for sure is that He will always guide me to the heart of God. This morning a story came to my mind about a time when I felt hurt by someone I trusted. Of course once you start rehashing hurtful experiences all the old feelings come up. I must say that even after I’ve moved on sometimes those experiences still pop up in my mind. I’ve found myself thinking about something hurtful long after I’ve moved on and then wondered how in the world did I wind up with that thought on my mind. Unfortunately, the brain tends to hold onto life’s trauma more than life’s blessings. It’s normal, the key is not to be reinjured by those experiences. It is possible to traffic in hurtful experiences and that can really take a toll on how we view life. So as the experience came to mind and I’m dismissing it as is my practice. I felt the Holy Spirit admonishing me to “Hold no grudges.” To which I respond in my heart, “I’m over that.” But then I felt that I needed to go deeper and examine my heart to ensure that I was not holding any grudges in that situation. In my experience, it is a good thing to frequently allow the Lord to examine my heart. If my husband’s death has taught me anything it is that life as we know it can be gone or changed in a moment! Why waste it holding grudges or allowing someone’s insensitivity toward us to disturb our peace? So I sat with the Lord and asked Him to examine my heart because I don’t want to give past offenses any power or energy in my present life. Yes they come to mind, yes they may still hurt on some level and that’s when I yield to the power of the Holy Spirit to heal and restore me in that area. Disappointments, insensitivities, mistrust, etc. happen in life. We are all on a journey of learning to love each other beyond our faults. And we all have faults. Sometimes the hurt is intentional, sometimes not, sometimes holding a grudge feels warranted however it is never worth it. That hurtful experience should not define how we view ourselves or how we behave toward others. At some point, we forgive, we let it go and we move forward, treating others like we’d want to be treated. It may take a minute to work through the hurt depending on how deep it goes. It may require outside resources such as therapy to work through particularly traumatic experiences. TBT, I’ve needed Jesus and a therapist too to deal with some of my hurtful past issues. So when the Holy Spirit reminds me to “hold no grudges,” it’s those times that I lean heavy on the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit to align me with God’s heart. He doesn’t intend for me to go back in a hurtful situation or pretend like it never happened. He does intend for me to be whole again in spite of that hurtful experience. Only He can heal me right down to the depths of my soul. I’m thinking of how Moses kept reminding the children of Israel not to forget the Lord their God and what He’d brought them through. When they tended to rehash, complain and feel sorry for themselves because of their past and wound up wandering in the wilderness for many years. Moses re-directed them, do not forget the Lord your God when you get in the Promised land. Remember what He’s brought you through. Moses wanted them to remember their healing instead of the trauma. That’s when they could truly enjoy their blessings. So now when my brain may recall a hurtful time and those memories tend to draw me back into the wilderness of hurt, I will renew my mind. I will allow the Holy Spirit to check my heart and I will remember the blessings of healing that God has already done in my life. Then I can truly say with all conviction that “I hold no grudges, for I am healed.”

Just sharing my morning musings in hopes that those hurtful experiences will no longer reinjure us but instead remind us of our healing. Then we can thoroughly enjoy our blessings. To God Be The Glory, great things He has done!