Sitting with the Lord as I prepare to leave one of my happy places. So grateful to spend time with family around the holidays.  Spent time with my sister and hubby and my brother and wife. Visited both my elderly aunts in their 80s. Saw my cousins briefly. Everybody seemed so happy to see us. As I sit with the Lord there is the feeling that I can only describe as contentment.

Coming from a family of overachievers which is a good thing, I must say. But sometimes there can be a tendency on my part to not feel like I’m doing enough. The way I’m wired is I throw myself fully into my commitments and then tend to feel drained afterwards. So I always need time to regroup and rest. Over the years I’ve learned to somewhat pace myself but I’ve also learned to make peace with myself about it. I’ve never had a problem letting go and moving forward into something new. My problem has been taking the breaks I need along the way and in between because of the way I’m wired. I feel things deeply and have been labeled as too sensitive sometimes. What I’ve made peace with is that I can’t help that. If God made me to feel as deeply as I feel about things then that is the character trait that He desires to use in my life. What I’ve had to be careful about is not letting the enemy of my soul use it against me. For example, some vibes that I feel deeply coming from other people are not always personal.  I was in a meeting with other pastors once and I went up to a young pastor with a smile and spoke to her. She very casually spoke and brushed me off. As I tried to engage her in convo it was met with no interest. I felt hurt by it but I gave her space. Later in the meeting, it came out that she’d had a bad morning and was going through something difficult. While our interaction felt personal, it was not anything to do with me. Yes I would’ve handled that differently had I been her but in that moment I just felt empathy for her.

I’ve also realized that God gave me the ability to be extra sensitive to other’s needs to correlate with His calling on my life. My purpose has been to intensively support people who are hurting and to provide counsel, comfort and a listening heart. That’s how God has used me most in the kingdom. I’m good with that and I’ve learned to allow the Holy Spirit to hone the gift of sensitivity in my life to give me discernment about my interactions and to protect my energy at the same time. Everything is not personal. Don’t allow the enemy to turn opportunities for compassion into opportunities to be offended. Because both of the options are always available. Do I take the narrow road and allow God to be seen through me or do I take the wider path and become offended and hold a grudge.  (Side note: This point is not to be confused with situations where there is obvious abuse, that’s a different story that requires addressing differently.) I’m talking about those situations where no harm was intended yet I took it personal and became offended instead of empathetic and compassionate. 

So as I sit with the Lord after two years of a difficult transition in my life, where my emotions  have been extra raw and things have felt quite personal. I’m sensing a level of healing and contentment that I haven’t felt in a while. I’m loving this feeling of contentment. All things are not where I’d like them to be in my life but all things are well! All my relationships are not as healthy as I’d like but that is an ongoing process. Human interactions definitely require empathy on both parts. Everyone is on a continuum of growth and that’s what makes life interesting if we can allow others the same grace  to grow and heal. I guess I’m most content in my relationship with the Lord because I know His character and how He feels about me. That makes me content in my relationship with myself. I’m no longer comparing my life to others and trying to please everybody. I’m content in my intention and motive towards others that comes from a heart of love. I only wish the best for others. I’m not jealous or competitive, I’m cheering others on to “Go and be great” cause that’s my goal. To be great in my sphere of influence so that God gets the glory from my life. True contentment comes in knowing that I have the approval of the highest judge in heaven and earth and I am loved completely by Him. That makes me feel good about myself and life no matter what my situation might be. My cousin and I were talking about contentment one night and she referenced, Apostle Paul’s declaration,

“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:11–13)

Amen!

Just sharing my yesterday’s morning musing in hopes that we’ll be steered toward the path of contentment. Many things in life and interactions can cause offense or discontentment. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can choose contentment. This is my prayer for us.