Sitting with the Lord through the holidays has been very difficult thus far. I find that I’m not in the best listening place. I have all these mixed emotions. I just don’t understand why my honey had to leave so soon. I spend a lot of my mental energy grappling with it all and trying to understand only to come away still overwhelmed by it all. I keep smiling and pressing on. Emotions are conflicting and self motivation is fleeting. So I take time to sit with the Lord. Holy Spirit not judging me or rushing me. Just letting me be. Not trying to fix me or perk me up, just letting me be. Nonjudgmental and ever gracious. Although I haven’t come away from my sitting sessions feeling better about things lately. I have come away feeling loved in spite of my overwhelming emotions. I have come away knowing that I have a sure fire advocate in the Holy Spirit who is standing in the gap when I’m most vulnerable. The heaviness that threatens to overtake me has not conquered. I didn’t do anything about it. I even wallowed in it but it did not consume me. My advocate yet intercedes for me. I hesitated to share this post because it’s a heavy thing to share but I felt I should. Vulnerability is necessary for healing. Recognizing our weaknesses is part of the healing process. Feeling overwhelmed while wearing a smile and going through the motions is par for the course. Strong people often mask their issues so others won’t feel uncomfortable around them. Holy Spirit letting me know how safe I am with Him and I can bring all my stuff before the throne. Even my fret over my first grief counseling session. Grief is heavy and it’s ok.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that I don’t have to have it together all the time.

It sets me free to grow and evolve. Strong people need to hear this!

Just sharing my musings… life can be heavy sometimes and it’s okay if we’re not always all right. We have an advocate…